All The Ways I Carry Him

Sunday morning after church, my little family and I wandered through the farmers market. The sky was overcast, a welcome break from the Arizona heat. Live music played softly nearby as people wandered through, carrying bags of produce and ice-cold coffee cups in hand. It was one of those Sundays that feels unhurried, the kind where you have space to notice things you might usually pass by.

We stopped at a coffee booth I’ve walked past mutiple times. Their sign showed an image of a man with long hair and a warm face. “Bubba Brewing Company,” it said. I’m not sure what made me pause this time, maybe it was the slow pace of the morning, or maybe it was something else.

The man and woman behind the counter were his parents, I would learn. They greeted me kindly. Before long, we weren’t just talking about coffee.

They told me about their son, Bubba, whose face graced the sign. He passed away a year and eight months ago. He was 37 years old. Peritoneal mesothelioma. A rare and cruel cancer. But what struck me more than anything was what his mom told me:

“He told us, ‘when I get better, I want to start a mobile coffee business.’”

And so they did. For him. With him. Even after.

I could tell how much it meant to them to speak his name. To tell his story. Grief is like that, it doesn’t ask for big moments, just willing listeners. Someone to witness. Someone to say, “He mattered.”

I shared a little about my brother Austin and how he died young, too. How he’s still with me in the quietest ways. I told them about my mom and how we both carry the weight of losing a son and a brother. That pain broke us open, but it also brought us closer to ourselves and to each other.

There’s power in shared loss…and even greater healing in shared purpose.

And for a moment, we were just three people, standing in the middle of a farmers market, holding the weight of loss and the warmth of remembrance in the same breath.

We shook hands. And it wasn’t just about coffee anymore. It never really is.

Some Sundays carry more than others. I carried Bubba with me that day. And I left holding something more than a cup.

If you’re in Arizona, keep an eye out for Bubba Brewing Company at local events and markets. You can also support their family by visiting their website and buying their coffee online:
👉http://bubbabrewingcompany.com

You won’t just be buying a bag of beans, you’ll be holding a story, a dream, a son’s legacy.

“Grief is just love with nowhere to go but sometimes, it finds a way anyway.”